Lost in Thoughts

Its 2.18am right now as I am typing this on my phone, crying. Feeling really neglected by the one I thought to be closest to me. I remember when I talked about being chosen over, or not being preferred when given the choice, and also being forgotten. Funny how life keeps repeating the scenario over and over again even though I tried so hard to stand out, I guess you can't please everyone. 

Sales haven't been well for me in 2016. Not that I was doing anything wrong, but that clients are getting pickier and pickier. It might have something to do with them having a lot of options and that some people out there are spoiling markets.

I have recently resigned from the company I first joined when I came to Singapore. Reason? One might think that it's a childish reason, but I feel that being disregarded, or ' Accidentally Forgotten' is a good enough reason for me to leave.

Perhaps I was being over sensitive, some would say 'the boss has the right to do whatever he wants'. When I asked why I wasn't chosen, he simply said that he had honestly forgotten, not on purpose! But HAVE REALLY FORGOTTEN!

Honestly, EVEN SO, it would have meant that in future preferences, I wouldn't even have the slightest chance of a promotion or a raise, as he wouldn't even have me in his mind that I deserve it or not! He would simply have given the opportunity to someone else HE REMEMBERS!

It wasn't the first time I let myself be 'forgotten' or 'disregarded'. When I was in high school, I had told my neighbor that I needed a ride to school with her, which, of course, she had forgotten, and had left without me. Oh it did not just happened once. There were times when I would have to remind her multiple times just so she would remember. And NO, she does NOT have a memory problem, I simply wasn't worthy of her to regard. She didn't care about me, I simply wasn't important to her.

And my ex, whom after going on a church mission, meeting another girl whom he deems more worthy than his girlfriend of 2 years and who's waiting at home for him. Might I add, when we broke up, I told him that I still wanted to be with him, and he told me that he wants to focus on his mission, yet, 2 weeks later, he's in a relationship with that other girl? During his mission? Wow, he must be really focusing on his mission. BTW, he's a Mormon, and the girl was his investigator, now that he's back from his mission, they've been on and off ever since. Now they're 'officially' off. Or are they?

And my other ex, who can't seem to take his mind off his ex while we're dating. Comparing me to her every chance he has, like, 'you have nice pupils, but she has nice eyes. The shape of her eyes and everything.' I'm not making this up. When I asked him if a certain girl is pretty, (who's a really pretty blogger with thousands of  fans) 'No way, my ex is way prettier. Right? *asked his friend, which his friends disagrees with him*' No joke. He was still in contact with his ex even when we were dating, and refused to stop talking to her when I told him I wasn't comfortable. I went mental. Became really insecure and clingy. So he broke up with me because he felt that he wasn't ready. He did go back to his ex a year after he broke up with me. So what does that make me? Just an irrelevant side character in a story for the main character to realize who he's in love with all this while? That really damaged me.

And when I was a kid, I was always looked down upon by teachers. For instance, when I was 8, we were lined up to do some math questions in class. Surprisingly, I understood the equation, but the boy in front of me didn't. He was asked a question and unable to answer, to which the teacher shamed him by saying he's stupid. She then saw that I was up next, and proceeded to say 'Hah! Another stupid one!'. But I proceeded to answer the math question with ease. She was surprise that I did it right but said nothing. Am I really unworthy of a compliment?

The list goes on and on. I have no one to blame but myself. Why did I always let myself be the side character who always gets forgotten or taken advantage of? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? Am I not important? Should I even bother? I know people will say 'don't care about those who doesn't matter' or something like that. But considering these feelings started since I was too young to remember, I sometimes wonder if I suffer from depression. When will I be the main character of the story? When will I be someone who matters? When will I the chosen one? When will I be worthy of being remembered?

Back to the story of how that old uncle have caused me mental stress. Read here for part 1.

After many arguments and misunderstandings, I have finally called it quits and had passed over to my boss to handle this old man. I told the uncle that no matter what I do, it never satisfies him and that I can not take it anymore. My boss tried to comfort me telling me that if I had a little more patience, that this type of client can easily settle. Which, is later, proven to be sooooooooo wrong.

The project started on Early March 2015, and I handed over the project to my boss on 25th April 2015. By 23rd October 2015, which, even though we have completed the final touch ups, he refuses to give the final balance payment, which is $2000. Note, even my BOSS, can NOT stand him.

To date, he has made $13K changes to the original contract and he is still not satisfied! Whenever we did our part, which is touching up all the defects that he has listed out, he would thank us and said we did a good job, a week later, he would add in more things for us to 'touch up', things like: the cabinet I want to add a compartment, (which we cannot do so unless we take down the entire wardrobe, which costs a lot of money that he refuse to pay for). We have explained to him that it cannot be done, and at first he would say he is ok with it, 2 days later he would call and say that he is not happy that it can't be done and demanded that we do it. LIKE SERIOUSLY?

UNCLE, you think so easy to do? You think you like this say then it can magically be done?!

Is it a mental illness?? I receive calls from my suppliers, who have had to deal with him, call me asking me if this uncle is mentally stable. Note, they have only spoken to him once or twice, only on phone, never in person, and they can already sense his instability.

Let me tell you a bit more about this uncle, from the stories that he had bragged to me about:

He is a Christian, he has 2 daughters, a corporate lawyer married to a judge, and an English teacher, (I have met 1, she is a very lovely and sweet lady.) His wife, coincidentally, has the same surname as me, that's what got them to notice me in the first place.

He told me how he ratted out a bunch of kids to their parents and how they used to take shit and place it in his front door. How his aircond guy told him "I don't want to do your business anymore." And showing me messages he sent to his friend, inviting that friend out, and his friend (obviously) refusing to meet up with him. Those should have been HUGE red flags!!!!

I have told my boss multiple times that this uncle really too over the top, taking our services for granted and would not pay. My boss would tell me the way I am thinking is wrong and that this type of client can be settled easily. Well that proofed him wrong, since my boss took over the project, I spoke little to nothing at all to the old man, what I would do is just follow my boss' instructions to arrange for when my workers should go, my boss is the one who would communicate with him. My boss is a very humble man, very patient and very calm, he would not be pissed off easily and his motto is, 'Anything that can be settled by money is not a problem.'

After my boss took over, the touch up period lasted for nearly 6 months. Within those 6 months, we have rescheduled multiple times because he would tell us to come between 11am-2pm, but would text at 11.40am telling us to tell the workers to come before 12pm because he wants to go out at 12pm. HOW?!??!?! It is NOT how things works!!!!

He would tell us that he wanted to adjust some things and I would arrange my workers to go, they would reach there and he would tell them that there is nothing to be done, and would not let my workers in. THEN my confused workers would leave the site, with nothing done. Thinking that he changed his mind about the adjustments that he wanted to make, I would just let it go. BUT HE WOULD CALL AGAIN AFTER A FEW DAYS TELLING ME HE STILL WANTS THE ADJUSTMENTS!!!!!!! UNCLE!!! DO YOU HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITY???? I went crazy.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

He wanted to change the door hinges to gold hinges, but when my workers went there, they said they have to take down the whole door to change the hinges, so we could adjust the door for it to align properly, note that we are not charging him extra, he went berserk. Telling my workers not to touch anything and sent them home. Then again, they went back without doing anything. (Different group of workers) Few days later, he would tell my boss that we did NOT change the door hinges for him yet, and demanded we make the changes otherwise he wouldn't pay the final balance. ($2000) Now it's my turn to be berserk.

In the end, after all that trouble, after 6 MONTHS of TOUCH UPS, he STILL refused to pay for the final balance. My boss tried to talk to him, instead, he yelled at my boss, saying we didn't do a good job, and that he would NOT pay for the final balance. I kept telling my boss, 'SEEEE????!!!! I TOLD YOU THIS UNCLE CANNOT GIVE FACE!'

People nowadays are afraid of people cheating their money, but sometimes it's the service people who are cheated by clients who wouldn't pay after service. The uncle really ended up not paying and we have to absorb the final $2000 balance because of his selfish act. 6 Months of torture and for what? NOTHING.

I'll get straight to the point.

Everyone should really, REALLY, get a job in the service industry. I am an INTERIOR DESIGNER, NOT A MIRACLE/CHARITY WORKER.

My job, is to design and manage the renovation progress FOR the clients.

By far, I've had 2 clients who are unappreciative and expects a lot more than what they're paying.


Client 1: An Indian lady who wants:

1.  A new TV feature wall and TV console.
2. TWO display shelves for her many many figurines. 
3. A 2ft half height shoe cabinet. 
4. A 3ft storage cabinet.

My time

My efforts

3D drawings which I prepared

2D drawings which I also prepared

My own transport

Designing the furniture

Calling and arranging contractors

The patient to handle the client

I've been working as a Sales Interior Designer in Singapore for a full year now, so, I, like many other colleagues of mine, have receive a fair share of shitty  unreasonable clients.

So, before I began ranting, here's a brief explanation of what I do, as a Sales Interior Designer in Singapore. (Note: I do not represent what all Sales Interior Designers in Singapore do, I will merely comment as a Sales Interior Designer, who's from Malaysia, and working in only one of Singapore's ID firms, I shall not name which firm, but if you're a stalker, you'll find that out easily.)

I have no basic pay, no transport claims from the company, and no working schedule.

I earn what I put effort into, so as what us Chinese like to say: "一分钱一分货 " meaning, you pay for what you get, in a metaphorical way, it means I get what I work for. So, you can assume that it must have been a very risky job, knowing that it's unstable, that if I do not have clients, then I wouldn't have income. That is probably why no one ever stays long in this job, because we all want stability.

I'll have to admit, for the first 10 months, I was completely broke. I have a bit of an income from a few small projects, but it's barely enough to keep me through. I had to borrow money from the firm to pay off my house rental fees because I didn't even have spare money. But once some of my bigger projects started, I started earning enough, then I was able to pay off all the money I owed.

Basically what I do is, at least once a month, Singapore Expo would host a Home Reno expo, which, many ID firms as well as furniture stores would sign up and hope to meet potential clients, much like PC Fairs. So, we, as the sales interior designer, would then approach potential clients and try our best to win their projects, if not, then take them as potential leads to follower up afterwards. So, when I do have clients, I'll go through the progress of space planning and designing for them, I'll propose ideas, come up with sketches and suggestions, mood boards, colours and laminates, and all in all, still come up with a quotation that will hopefully not burn a hole in their wallet. Let me list it down so you wouldn't get confused:

1. Space Planning
2. Mood Board
3. Propose Designs (Come up with sketches)
4. Propose Colors & Laminates
5. Come up with 3D Drawing

I always pride myself as being a cheerful happy-go-lucky person. Trying to tolerate instead of causing trouble, I tend to people please myself through life. I may be a push-over and do what other people ask me to do, provided it's not too troublesome for me, because to be honest, I don't know what I myself want, I only know what I want, is what other people want.