I've never expected that I would be in this position again, but here I am, again, but this time, I felt that the song is exactly how the situation is.

I've been trying hard to not think of him too much. His laugh, his cheekiness and the look on his face when he smiles, I just melt whenever I think of him. He wasn't THE ONE, he's not exactly the guy I picture myself marrying or being together with, but he's the only one who could make me feel so happy whenever I see him smile. And currently the only person who could make me happier than anyone else. 

But as fate have it, the time wasn't right and we made our mistakes, only to bring us back to square one. We still talk, but nothing could get my mind off the fact that we weren't together, it's really hard and it's slowly killing me inside. My heart aches and I couldn't sleep well every night. I have dreams of being with him but when I wake up, my dreams are all but real. I begged, pleaded, cried to him, thinking that I could change his mind and be together again, but like The Script's song, all I got was nothing. Love really is intoxicating. It really pains me to see that we were so close, yet so far. 

I talked to my close friends about it, asking them if they think I still have a chance. All I could think of was getting him back. 

He asked me what I want for Christmas, and the song 'All I want for Christmas is You' came up in my mind. That was really the only thing I want for Christmas.

I'm dying trying not to drag my feet. It really disappoints me that I'm in this position again. Letting love hurt me not once, not twice, but three times, yet I still feel so hopeful. Am I a hopeless romantic? I don't think I am, but I know that I'm a fool. 

I became dependent, I gave them too much power. Where's my value in that? I'm now in a position where I can't do anything, all I can do is wait...? No. I don't want to be the one waiting anymore. It's time to be the one being waited. I may not be someone who's worth their time, but I'm sure as hell that I AM WORTH IT. 

It's time to take back my power. Time to stop being weak. Get back up and be STRONG.