Lost in Thoughts

Sooner or later, fights occur and what do you know, he/she will tell you that they needed space or that he/she's not ready for a relationship.

You're world will then crumble down and it will shock you as you've given them so much of your love, only to be rejected.

Now, I've been through this before and it ain't good. I cried so hard that I became obsessed. Let me tell you, once you've heard your ex's friend say that you're crazy, then you know that it's time for a change.

From experiences from my friend and myself, I know that being needy is a turn off. And knowing all my bad habits and attitudes are the only things that are holding me back, I told myself that I must change, it is all for the better and the sake of my future. You gotta learn from your mistakes right?

A lot of people have the habit of saying "I've changed, I've learnt my lesson! Just give me a chance!" when they're trying to get their boyfriends/girlfriends back. But when you beg them to take you back by saying you've changed, it actually backfires on you because it only reflects on how needy you are of them to the point of pretending to change just to get them back. So of course they're not convinced!

Pretending to change and actually changing are both very different things! I had to learn that the hard way! You don't change overnight! No one changes overnight. The only reason why they
feel that you're so needy is because you care for that person too much than they think they deserve!
You're practically scaring them away! So how can you suddenly care for that person so much, and then just totally be ok with not caring the next day? You can't! It takes lots of lonely nights filled with tears and a few heartaches to finally not give a shit! To feel that you've had enough! And by the time that you find yourself finally changed, you'll find yourself better off without them! That you can actually focus on yourself rather than them!

It doesn't mean you've completely moved on from them, it just means that you will survive with or without them in your life! You don't have to get rid of them completely, you just need to have time to yourself without them. Even though it's not healthy to keep contact with them, as it'll only make the healing process slower, it doesn't mean that it's not possible. 

After I started working and have lots of time to myself, I started to realize that there are so many things that I wanted to do and learn that I was too out of focus to realize in the past! Knowing that I have better things go do than to worry about why he/she did not reply my text and making myself go crazy. I'm not saying that I've completely changed, just that I've improved to be less needy than I was before. And let me tell you, the road was not easy AT ALL.

I'm not there yet, but I'm that much closer.

Never give a damn on anything.

Not that you shouldn't care about everything, care for your family, care for your friends, care for yourself. Care for something that really matters. Something that will should not bring you down.

For instance, if you ever found out that a certain person dislikes you, why bring yourself down and bummed yourself out? It's not really your fault, you're just being you, why should you be so unhappy just because that person doesn't like you? What's so special about that person?

Just don't care.

Working as a sales designer really changed my perspective on a lot of things. You see, every time my company participate in a Home Reno expo, we, the sales designer, have to go talk to random clients who may appear interested. Sure, you'll be going around asking people 'Sir, looking for ID to renovate your house?' And sometimes you may even mess up your line! Or worse, if they really gave you a chance to sit down with them and talk, you may freak out and say the wrong things! Yeah, that might cause you a potential client, but you don't have to bum yourself out because of that! Think of it this way, you'll never have to see that person ever again! 

I have a friend from work whom I feel is very fun to talk to. She would joke around and make fun of herself like it was nothing! And I love her for that! Sometimes when she accidentally hit herself on the head, my seniors would joke and say how careless she is, and she would play along, answering them "Aww, I'm already so stupid, I can't afford to get any stupider!" And we would all laugh. And she wouldn't care, in fact, she would laugh with us! This is a quality which I would admire! 

Another thing which I must say, are attention seeking girls. I don't like, and this is strictly my own opinion, someone who always, and I mean always, post lots of photos of themselves every single fucking day, captioning something that has absolutely nothing to do with the picture, just to get likes or compliments! Sure, if you do it once in a while it's ok! I'd even give you my like! But almost everyday?! I ought to unfriend you on facebook just so I wouldn't have to see your annoying face everyday!

Now what was I talking about again?

Oh! Not caring, right! 

Life always goes on whether you're happy or not. So why complicate things or take every little things so seriously and bum yourself out? What if your life suddenly ends, and the last thing you did was being upset? You'd never want that.

I'm definitely not saying not to care at all. I'm saying, care for something or someone who would also care for you. Never miss a person who won't miss you. 

If you know me, you'll know that I'm a fan of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. The ambitious and cheerful blonde, whom no one takes seriously and will look down on her. Despite being looked down upon and being make fun of, Elle Woods will get back up her feet and do things the Elle Woods way. Now, I know that reality is not as simple as how the comedy movie portray it out to be, but after coming out to the 'real world,' I realized that everything in this world comes down to politics.

In the real world, hard work does not guarantee a promotion or a raise. You need luck, charisma, and maybe even a little politics to get what you want. I learnt that while I was working as a sales-interior designer. No matter how well you do in high school or college, you aint' learnt nothin' till you started working for real.

I was out of my bubble, and everything was so new to me. My seniors would tell me that I'm too naive, that what I see is not that simple. That made me sad, and doubt who I can or can't trust. It made me feel like crawling back into my bubble, and be sheltered from the lies and betrayal. But I can't. I have to be strong and face reality.

So after re-watching Legally Blonde 1 & 2, I've realized something.

Why hate? Why let yourself get down? Why let something so simple, get so complicated?

If someone hates you, it doesn't mean you should hate them back. Why hold the hate and let yourself drown into society? If that person wants to hate, then let them be. As long as they're not bothering you, you have nothing against them. Why not just do your own thing and be happy at what you're doing? Like Elle Woods, so many people in film started out not liking her and treating her like she's a fool, at some point they tried to humiliate her. But did she let them get the best at her? NO! She treated them nice and handled the situation like a boss!

If at any point, someone tries to humiliate you, just turn the situation around and go with it. Handle it like a boss and look who's laughing!

Smile more, laugh more, and hate less! Just that simple.

~Love~

It's been more than 2 weeks since I've arrived in Singapore and life has been good so far. Our hostel is clean and has almost everything, food is close by, the seniors here are really nice and helpful and most importantly, I am not alone.

Thank my lucky stars that life has been good to me so far and that I hope everything goes well all the way.